Heat It
By Perseus Tong
A Comprehensive Set of Alternative Strategies for Avoiding a Catastrophic
Extinction Event Caused by a Terrestrial Collision with a
Large Near Earth Object
Through (1) Focused Solar Energy (2) Laser Ablation (3) Nuclear Weapons
(4) Mass Driver Deflection (5) Asteroid Gravitational Tractor
(6) Conventional Rocket Motor Assist
A Musical Essay
(Sung to the Tune of Michael Jackson's "Beat It!")
They call a Near Earth Object an N.E.O.
We'd better find them all before they start to glow.
To stop events (extinction) when they strike the final blow
Just heat it, just heat it.
The Chicx'lub Object had an ominous fate
Most complex life on earth it would annihilate
The K T boundary layer has a late Cretaceous date.
Just heat it! To avoid being dead...
Just heat it. (Heat it) Heat it. (Heat it!)
Unfurl a solar sail and heat it.
The Sun's radiation can slowly deflect
The vaporized mass into space will eject
Just heat it. (Heat it!) Just heat it. (Heat it!)
Just heat it. (Heat it') Just heat it. (Heat it!) Woooo!
Impacts of comets cause a tidal shock wave
Tsunamis, Impact Winter are some troubles grave
The biosphere itself will simply cease to behave
So heat it! Just heat it!
"Use space based lasers" is one plan that I hear
But lasers will not work if N.E.O. is near
We'll need a trillion G watts to deflect it I fear
Just heat it. To avoid being dead...
Just heat it! (heat it!) Heat it! (Heat it!)
Fire off some nukes! Defeat it!
A thousand H bombs might just bump it off course
If the neo's solid rock we will show no remorse
Just heat it, (heat it) heat it (Heat it!)
The impact into space will speed it!
If not an explosion we can simply drive mass
Ejected from the body to then kick its As-
Teroid. . . Heat it. Heat it Heat it. Heat it.
Heat It Heat it Heat It Heat it.
[Terrestrial Species Gasping for Air Breathing Noises]
Heat It Heat it Heat It Heat it.
Heat It Heat it Heat It Heat it.
Heat It Heat it Heat It Heat it.
[Guitar/Violin Solo]
Heat it! (Heat it!) Heat It! (Heat It!)
If the asteroid is rubble don't heat it.
The rubble is loose .... simply will not cohere
A gravity tractor is required right here
To lead it! (Lead it!) Lead it! (Lead It!)
Newton's First Law: Just read it!
Uniform motion maintains without force
A massive space probe can provide that (of course).
So Lead it it! (Lead it!) Lead it. (Lead it!)
Dock a rocket ship and speed it
If the angular speed is not all that fast
We can push the NEO to safe orbit at last.
So Speed it! (Speed it!) Speed it! (Speed it!)
Shoemaker Levy? Please heed it!
The Cretaceous T line is iridium rich
Extinction events prove that life's such a ....(fade out)
Presented 3/1/2010 to the Antelope Valley Astronomy Club
10th Annual Pete Knight Youth Exploring Astronomy Essay Contest